If I Lay Here
by LuxaTheUnderlander
Summary: A oneshot songfic using Chasing Cars by Snow Patrol. Gregor and Luxa ponder on the consequences and depression that being in love has placed on them. Rated T just because I'm sort of paranoid.


**If I Lay Here**

**Okay, here's my first oneshot songfic I've ever written, using the song **_**Chasing Cars **_**by Snow Patrol. (hehe, Aria) It's one of those depressed Gregor/Luxa fics. I'm not a big fan of writing them, even though I love reading them, but I though I had to try it. If it goes well and I get good reviews, then I may just write a few more! Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: Suzanne Collins owns the Underland Chronicles and Gregor and Luxa, not me. (sadly) Chasing Cars is owned (or at least sung) by Snow Patrol, not me. If I was any one of those lucky people, you can bet I would not be sitting at home on my computer, I would be basking in the glow of my fame and fortune. So there.**

* * *

_We'll do it all_

_Everything_

_On our own_

As she lay in the seeming comfort of her bed, she thought about him. Thought about all they had gained during their time together. Oh, how she had cherished those times. Together they seemed invincible, like nothing could hurt them if they lived by the power of love. No matter what hardships sailed through, what wars raged by their doorstep, whatever chance of death came around the corner, they were safe if they were never left alone. But now, as he was unreachable to her, she felt practically defenseless. She was alone.

_We don't need_

_Anything_

_Or anyone_

As he stared up at the ceiling in his presumably secured bedroom he remembered her. Remembered all the times they had shared, all the feelings that had passed together. During that half-hour in the museum, even in that short amount of time, he was the happiest he had ever been in his life, holding her in his arms. The rest of the world was oblivious to the two. It was only them, only them and the feelings circulating around them. The feelings that had only just been revealed then, and even in that short time they had become stronger than any force that could possible break them apart. The war had been nonexistent, at least for that half-hour. But now it was over, both the war and the relationship. It was gone, there was no way of pulling it up again. Forever.

_If I lay here…_

_If I just lay here…_

_Would you lie with me and _

_Just forget the world…_

What wouldn't she give to have him there with her? To bury her head in his shoulder and cry, release all the tears that had been kept inside for so long, held back by pride. She had sacrificed so much to be with him, but it hadn't resulted in anything. They were being forced away by their differences. They hadn't even been given the time to discover their likenesses. The year they had spent together had seemed so long, yet now that it was over, it seemed like it hade been less than a second. If only they weren't so different, if only they weren't a world apart. Then she would rush into his arms for one last time, let him stroke her hair and spill out all her troubles to him, and in return give him what she knew he longed for: her affection. Oh, what wouldn't she give?

--------

It was a terrible feeling, having absolutely nothing left, no time at all. The only thing he had to remember her by was a picture, just a single picture. And that picture brought only a twenty-five percent reminder of the girl he loved. The remaining three-quarters only triggered the memory of tragedy, of death, of pain. The depression of the war was hidden inside their smiling but yet unsettled expressions. Unsettled because of the ripping sensation that was war, slowly tearing apart their hearts, piece by piece. What wouldn't he give to be united with her again? To put aside their differences and become one at long last? But apparently isolation was a force stronger than love, because it was spreading them farther and farther apart.

_I don't quite know_

_How to say_

_How I feel_

Now that she looked back on it, the few words they had used to describe their feelings seemed so little, with no meaning to any of them. Looking back on it, their relationship seemed like puppy love. But it was much more, she was sure of it. Or at least it _had _been. Because now it was all over. And she had no way of getting the words she now knew were full of meaning to him. A world was just too far away for comfort.

_Those three words_

_Are said to much_

_They're not enough_

But he believed the exact opposite of her, even if neither of them knew it. He thought that they had described their feelings verbally many times. But they hadn't fulfilled those words, and now they were all but meaningful. Things had been too awkward for too long, and they hadn't had enough time. Sure, words were nice, they got their purpose across. But actions; they were what really showed passion. Words just didn't seem to be enough. They were just…words. Words could be passed freely, it could be hard to say them, but it eased up over time. What they did to fulfill those words were what really mattered, at least in his eyes.

_Forget what we're told _

_Before we get too old _

_Show me a garden that's bursting into life_

But time was running out, and she knew it. There was hardly any time left to exchange the words and actions alike, the clock was ticking. It was funny; it seemed like it always one. The continuous tick served as a wake-up call to anyone who thought fairy-tale endings were actually real. But there was no doubt in her mind, they were nonexistent. Reality never had happy endings. And she was sick of the unhappy endings stealing what she missed the most, the only one she'd ever loved.

She buried her face in her hands as the tears finally began to fall. She no longer felt the need to hold them back. Without him, life was pointless. There was nothing, absolutely nothing left.

_Let's waste time_

_Chasing Cars_

_Around our heads_

Time. Time was what they had needed more of. But now they needed less. Before now, time seemed to have gone by so fast. The seconds had soared by like a rocket just taking off. He had never thought they would need any less time then they had, only more. But now it seemed they needed less. He had spent the last year wasting as much time as humanely possible, doing the stupidest things just to get life over with. Drinking, getting high, smoking. He knew it was wrong deep down, but he just couldn't stop. He was becoming addicted to this way of life that really wasn't life at all. He was only 13! And his family knew nothing about it. It wasn't like he could tell them. It wasn't like he could just go up to them and admit that he was throwing life away, drug by drug. It was impossible.

He let the tears pour from his eyes, a sob escaping him as he continued to think about his losses. Time would be much easier to waste if he was wasting it with her.

_I need your grace_

_To remind me_

_To find my own_

She needed him. And he needed her. Without each other, the world was pointless. _Everything _was pointless. There was no rhyme or reason to anything anymore. And there was no way they could live with it anymore.

_All that I am_

_All that I ever was_

_Is here in your perfect eyes_

_They're all I can see_

She gave a sob of protest, protest against the life she now had to deal with, against her will. She just couldn't live life without him.

"GREGOR!" she screamed, sobbing into her blankets. But it was pointless. He couldn't hear her. He wouldn't be able to hear her ever again. He was gone, for good. That meant he was never coming back.

She heard the footsteps running to her chambers, anxious to find out what was wrong. But she paid them little mind at all. They had no idea, absolutely _no idea_! They didn't know what she was going through! None of them had ever gone through a depression like this, none of them had ever felt the love she had had for him. She continued sobbing as hands came and lifted her up off her bed, taking her to those they thought would help their queen. Those hands should have been comfort for her, like the security blanket she felt she had never had. But they didn't and they never would. "Gregor."

_I don't know where  
Confused about how as well  
Just know that these things will never change for us at all_

He wanted to scream. He wanted to yell. He wanted to let out all his feelings in a tribal cry, even though he knew it wouldn't solve anything.

"LUXA!" his desires turned into reality when he shouted the name of his one and only love. The hurt would never change, never fade away. It always would remain, as all pain did. It was everlasting.

The thump of footsteps coming to discover his problem did little to comfort him. Even the arms of his mother that were wrapped around him within seconds didn't help. He just continued sobbing, as if tears could ease the pain. But they couldn't and they never would. "Luxa."

_If I lay here…_

_If I just lay here… _

_Would you lie with me and_

_Just forget the world…_

They had both been trying everything they could to lighten up the depression and hurt. But nothing was working. What was love, anyway? Was it really what they were going through? And if it was, was it really worth dealing with?

_Let's waste time…_


End file.
